I wanted you loved me so I that I’d know how to love you and others in return. No, I need you to do this for me. I still need you to do this for me… You never told me and you certainly never showed me. When you did eventually say it, your actions contradicted you and I hurt. I still hurt. I can’t even tell anyone that I love them, but I try to show it. And I wonder sometimes if I even love anyone. I think I just care a great deal. I don’t understand love because you never defined it for me. It’s late, isn’t it? My heart is saying you are years too late. Even if you tried, I know in my heart that I would never believe you and I don’t want that to be true. Even so, it’s time to divorce myself from blaming you. I am defining the love of myself and I’m trying to extend that to others. But first I have to give myself the love you withheld from me. It’s not okay, but it is what it is. I forgive you…
(scatterbrained thoughts, 31)
